Well, here we are again. Deja vu, anyone?
I said I was done blogging, but I am kind of a liar. And this blog is about second chances, so that makes it ok.
Sometime I really wonder what in the world God is thinking. Of all the people He could have picked out for the crazy, unknown process of adoption.....He went with us? I'm probably the biggest planner, worrier, anxious mess of most people I know. I hate change, I love routine, and most of all.....I LOVE control.
Seriously, I worked in the same school district I attended. I could not last at a college that wasn't close to home. I've been at the same church for 30 years, and now I work there. And I live 15 minutes from my parents, because I am a big, adult baby. Does that sound like a risk-taker to you? NO.
Well, say goodbye to all of that kind of control and comfort when you adopt. And you can't tell me that there wasn't a more relaxed, go-with-the-flow couple out there God could have picked for this? I can think of a few. But, anyway....not my call.
For whatever reason , we have been given another chance at this adoption thing. We kind of blew it last time, and totally lost it when Violet left. So we are going to try and not freak out this time. After failed pregnancies and failed adoptions, I finally have a little grasp on the concept that I really can't "make" this whole thing work out.
So here we are again. Cautiously optimistic, a little heartbroken, happy, and parents for the 3rd time. The comparisons to Violet are hard to push back. At every turn, we have to fight back the fear of the past. And loving this new little one, means missing her all the more.
But this little guy needs his own chance, too. And somehow, I know that the God who created everything around me can handle the job or creating new hope in my heart, some degree of courage to move on, and more love for this baby and his birth mom. I know this because, its the same God who allowed me to forgive Violet's birthmom, and continue to love her. I know my own little black heart could never have managed that. I love a good grudge, and enjoy having adult hissy fits. So I KNOW this is not my doing, since I feel at least 10% less selfish and crazy than my normal self.
And who couldn't help to love this little face?
Welcome to our family, Jude Taylor. For whatever time you are here, you will be loved.
I can't imagine a better place for that little guy than with you guys right now. Any time spent in a loving home is a blessing:)
ReplyDeleteKelley, I know I'm a sap, but you made me cry. And then, within a half-a-second, you made me laugh, so what came out was a big snort. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI, for one, am awfully glad God chose you Smiths to love and care for Jude. And it doesn't surprise me a bit. I can't imagine a stronger, more loving, or more faithful family and extended family. Sending lots of love to Jude from Scotland and prayers for continued strength and healing, a smooth transition to being 4, lots of good rest for all, and a successful, finalized adoption.
I think God takes those of us with control issues and throws these big, uncontrollable circumstances in our lives. Maybe it is to help us loosen our grip on what we think we have control of to let HIM take control! In any event, I am happy that God is using you, Micah and Pearl in this way. Jude could not be in a better home right now, even if it does end up being only for a little while. He is adorable and I can't wait to meet him and gift him some Smith schnugs. :)
ReplyDeletePraying for you guys in this situation and that there will be smooth decisions and transitions for all!
He is so beautiful! And you are right...God is in Control!! Praying for you guys:)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you decided to blog again. Through your trials and thoughts, you encourage me and remind me of God's character. You guys and Jude are blessed to have one another! I love him already! My first nephew, no matter what happens. :)
ReplyDeleteI love that you share your joys and struggles. We all benefit from your transparency. God is good. Praying for all of you.
ReplyDeletewe are close together for a reason. When we all live 15 minutes away from each other, it means there is a lot of love to go around and share. Violet and Jude are both surrounded with prayer and God will be at work in their lives, no matter what. I love that little boy already and I only held him once! My heart just won't hold back,I think broken hearts love best. I think you,Micah and Pearl are the perfect choice for Jude. I agree with Julia, you encourage and remind me of God's character as His love and light are reflected in you and shines back on all those near you.
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